Thursday, September 27, 2007

One of those days.....

Today was a totally shitty day! First off, the VCR part of my combination VCR/DVD player went bad, eating up a few of my tapes, so it needs to be replaced. Then, I fell down and chipped a piece off of my bridge, so now I have a dentist appointment for next Thursday. Hopefully it can be fixed. There's an hour and a half left in the day, wonder if anything else is gonna happen:P

Monday, September 24, 2007

This Weeks Bonehead Award goes to...

San Diego Padres Outfielder Milton Bradley. He ended his season early and hurt his team's chances of success during the playoffs by blowing out his knee. Here's the bad part about it: He blew it out being restrained by his manger, who was keeping him from going after an umpire who had made a call against him. Sheeesh!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Answers To Questions about us Men

# WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.

# WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

# WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC? We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

# WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

# WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.

# WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays. Farting is another fun thing for men!!

# WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS? Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

# WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)? Please ... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men ... Men hunters ... Need go roam ... Starve in cave ... Must go find wildebeest ... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

# HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING? Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

# WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?" Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.

# WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME? Ho, Ho, Ho ... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

# WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

# WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.

# WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

# WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err ... buying?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Feeling Human Again

This, my friends, has been the longest weekend of my life! Friday, my mom and I came down with a stomach virus, and lemme tell ya, it was not fun! I don't think I've ever thrown up as much as I did Friday! I woke up at 4 AM Friday morning, and from that time till the next evening, I made I don't know how many trips to the bathroom. At least I made it to the bathroom. Poor Mom had puke all over her bedroom floor, and I dunno if her carpet is ever gonna come clean! All I can say is...THANK GOD FOR PEPTO!!!!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Just when you think It can't get any worse....

My Baltimore Orioles have plummeted into lows not seen since their 107 loss/0-21 start in 1988. After a 2 week period in which they lost 10 of 11, including the 30-3 game, tonight they were no hit by a ROOKIE. How time flies. 1o years ago, the O's were finishing up a season in which they won an AL East title and made their second trip in a row to the League Championship series. You might wanna call this the curse of Davey Johnson and John Miller. The O's havn't had a winning season since 97. During that offseason, Davey Johnson was fired as manager, and John Miller was fired as radio play by play man. Peter Angelos, you should be ashamed at how you've run this team into the ground! We'll never have any success until you sell the team to someone who knows what they're doing!

My Birthday

Today, I celebrated my 36th Birthday. I spent a nice quiet day at home. I did get a few presents:

A couple of books
A model
Some minutes for my phone.

I feel old I have figured that I've lived half my life since I graduated from High school!